I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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