so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
