she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
