first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
