I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
