Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
