Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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