just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
