First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
