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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
