Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
