sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
