Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
