The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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