when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
