remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
