Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
