Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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