You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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