i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
