I wish my penis had an off switch
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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