I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
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