Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
