Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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