I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
