We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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