is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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