Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
