I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
