you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
