True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
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