Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
then he tried to convert me to islam
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
