I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
