im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I will die if light touches me.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
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Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
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You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.