yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?