Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.