and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.