Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering