I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.