I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.