Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me