Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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