Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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