i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
