wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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