I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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