put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
