First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
