There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
