he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
