eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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