I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
