I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
