There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
