I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
