new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
