its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
