I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
