This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
3pm strippers are depressing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
