Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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