Swine flu. Run for my life!
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
