you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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