I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
