no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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