Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize