I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
