Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
