so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
