please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
