the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
