yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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