AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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