That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
