Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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