Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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