So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
