She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
